The emotional response known as “fawning” is gaining attention as a significant reaction to perceived threats in relationships. Unlike the well-known trauma responses of fight, flight, and freeze, fawning involves individuals attempting to appease others to diffuse tension. This often leads to compromising one’s own needs in favor of others, particularly in situations deemed threatening.
Defining Fawning and Its Origins
The term “fawning” was introduced by psychotherapist Pete Walker, who specializes in complex trauma. According to Ingrid Clayton, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, fawning is characterized as a response to threats by becoming more appealing to those perceived as dangerous. In an article for Psychology Today, Clayton explains that this behavior is particularly common among individuals who have experienced ongoing relational trauma.
“Fawning is about mirroring or merging with others’ desires or expectations to find safety,” Clayton notes. This response can lead to individuals neglecting their own boundaries, making them overly accommodating in their relationships. While this behavior may seem harmless, it can result in unhealthy dynamics, especially when one partner consistently sacrifices their needs for the other.
Recognizing Fawning in Your Relationships
In romantic contexts, fawning may manifest as people-pleasing at the expense of one’s well-being. For instance, an individual may feel pressured to engage in physical intimacy even when they do not want to, prioritizing their partner’s happiness over their own comfort. This can lead to feelings of neglect and burnout.
Clayton highlights various behaviors associated with fawning, such as apologizing to those who have hurt you, ignoring negative behavior, and seeking approval from others. These actions can create an unhealthy cycle where the individual continuously invalidates their own feelings, leading to increased emotional distress.
For those who recognize these patterns in their relationships, it’s important to understand that they are not alone. This behavior often stems from deep-rooted beliefs that prioritizing one’s needs may lead to abandonment or conflict. In relationships with toxic or abusive partners, fawning can be particularly harmful, as such partners may exploit this tendency, making it essential to navigate these dynamics carefully.
Pathways to Recovery
Recovering from the fawning response requires a commitment to self-care. Acknowledging and prioritizing one’s needs is crucial, even if it feels daunting. Working with a mental health professional can provide the necessary support to navigate this journey.
Strengthening self-worth is also vital. Many individuals who exhibit fawning behaviors have spent significant portions of their lives focusing on others, often losing sight of their own identity. It is never too late to embark on a journey of self-discovery. Building confidence allows individuals to reclaim control over their lives, fostering a sense of autonomy rather than relying on external validation.
Setting clear boundaries is another important step. Individuals who struggle with saying “no” or who feel pressured to comply with others’ demands may need to practice asserting their needs. This shift may alter how they are perceived by others, but it is essential for personal well-being.
As people become more aware of their fawning tendencies, they can begin to break free from these patterns and establish healthier, more balanced relationships. Understanding this emotional response is a vital step toward healing and personal growth.
