On a day that was meant to be filled with excitement, Moya Sarner found herself in an Accident and Emergency (A&E) department with her husband. The couple had to cancel their vacation to Belgium due to his need for urgent yet routine surgery. This personal experience highlighted the emotional challenges that often arise from disappointments, even those that may seem minor compared to more significant life events.
Sarner reflected on how difficult it can be to confront feelings of grief and frustration. She noted that the initial response to such setbacks is often to seek out the positives, such as considering a replacement trip or acknowledging the benefits of travel insurance. Yet, despite these attempts at reframing the situation, Sarner found herself battling a persistent sense of sadness. The reality of their cancelled holiday became evident as her husband underwent painful dressing changes, making it clear that the planned getaway was no longer a possibility.
In moments of honest communication about their disappointment, Sarner discovered the importance of acknowledging those feelings rather than suppressing them. Allowing herself to experience a range of emotions, including bitterness and resentment, provided a sense of authenticity. This emotional honesty not only deepened her connection with her husband but also transformed their time at home into something that could be appreciated, despite the circumstances.
Sarner’s experience resonates with many individuals who grapple with the desire to “undo” negative experiences, a wish echoed by her psychotherapy patients. She emphasized that therapy cannot rewind time; instead, the process involves confronting grief and anger, which ultimately facilitates personal growth. Acknowledging these feelings, rather than resorting to a superficial positivity, can lead to profound change over time.
As Sarner navigated her journey into motherhood, she encountered new emotional challenges. The demands of caring for her infant were overwhelming, not just physically but also emotionally. She quickly realised that her primary role was not merely to meet her child’s needs but to help her navigate the complexities of discomfort and disappointment.
The experience taught Sarner that it is essential for both herself and her child to embrace the full spectrum of emotions. Instead of striving for perfection, she learned to accept her own limitations and imperfections, which in turn allowed her to support her daughter in experiencing both joy and pain. This shift in perspective fostered a deeper understanding of their emotional experiences and created a foundation for resilience.
Reflecting on her journey, Sarner acknowledges that the desire to click “undo” on life’s disappointments has lessened. She finds hope in recognising the impossibility of a flawless narrative and understands that true healing often involves allowing oneself the space to grieve. As she moves forward, she embraces the notion that crying can be a necessary step in processing loss and disappointment.
Through her reflections, Moya Sarner, a qualified NHS psychotherapist and author of *When I Grow Up – Conversations With Adults in Search of Adulthood*, illustrates the profound impact of emotional awareness on personal growth. Her insights offer valuable lessons for anyone navigating the complexities of disappointment and the emotional landscape that accompanies it.
